Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
