Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
