I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
