Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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