y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
