She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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