I want to make a zoo with you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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