I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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