It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
