i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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