i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
