just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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