I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
