where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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