It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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