to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
