You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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