My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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