There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
