Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
