I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
