guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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