like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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