dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
