There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
