My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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