You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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