I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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