my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he just fucked me for my cheese..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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