I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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