Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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