your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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