Small penises have feelings too.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
