so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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