She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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