You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
