did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we made out on top of his cat.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
