$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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