i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
