I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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