I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
