I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
