Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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