Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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