and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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