Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
