hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
