How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
