My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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