I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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