I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm too high and old for this...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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