I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
