Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
