I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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