How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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