I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
