I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Everyone says I win the strip club
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
