my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
