She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
