yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
