If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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