I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
