I'm really into asian looking animals
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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