Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
