I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
