how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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