I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
