were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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