Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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