Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
