i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
handjob tips. give me some.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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