Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
