Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
