His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize