it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
