i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
