i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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