We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
