Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
