I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
