I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
