Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
