Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
